Your Grab And Go Bag for the Coming Apocalypse
The apocalypse is coming. Are you prepared? Make a special Grab And Go Bag that you can take with you at a moment’s notice. Of course, it’s hard to make the perfect bag, as there are always more useful items that you could add. But start with these essentials.
A Big Ole Stick — Nothing compares to the utility and versatility of a big ole stick.
A Tiny Ass Stick — For concealing.
1 Small, Folding Truck — If you need to get somewhere fast and haul something.
10 Empty Gallon Water Jugs — Handy for storing any random, valuable liquids you come across. Be sure that the jugs are empty.
6-8 inches of Rope — Don’t bring too much.
Harmonica — For scaring away looters with your bad songs.
A Notecard that Says How Many Teeth You Have — Just the number.
Deadly Knives in a Flimsy Box — Assorted deadly knives, scattered carelessly in a flimsy waterlogged, cardboard box.
Encyclopedia Britannica — 32 Hardbound Volumes, to preserve all human knowledge.
Cash — At least 1 Johnny Cash album on vinyl, cassette, and compact disc.
Universal Remote Control — If you need to turn on a TV anywhere, you’re set.
1 Copy of Each of the Following Documents: Social Security Card, Denny’s 24 Hour Laminated Menu, VISA Cardmember Agreement, U.S. Constitution.
Multi-Tool – This invaluable stainless steel tool can do more than one thing.
Uni-Tool – This somewhat less valuable tool can do just one thing, but it’s still pretty good.
Construction Hard Hat — You may find a construction site that you need to hide inside. This is the best way to blend in, so that no one suspects anything.
Guns and Ammo — If you get into a bad situation, you may want to read a copy of Guns And Ammo magazine to pass the time.
Almond Butter — Calorie-dense, tastes awful.
Chop Sticks — More space-efficient than forks.
“I Am Injured” / “I Am Dead” Human Body Sign — If you become injured and unable to communicate, put it on side 1.
1 Box of Mosquitos — 1 small box, capable of holding up to 3,000 mosquitos.
Mosquito Repellant — In case the box of mosquitos breaks.
2 Garbage Bags — Make sure they’re full of garbage.
Bear trap — Trap some bears!
15 lbs. of Incense — In a variety of pleasant scents.
1 Large Inflated King Sized Air Mattress — Finding extra, high-quality air could be a problem, so keep this inflated at all times.
Medical Textbooks — In case you need to learn about performing surgery.
4 Oz. Primordial Ooze — Useful for restarting life from scratch.
Sense of humor — Optional!