JetBleu Boarding Procedure

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Dear New JetBleu Employee Gate Attendants:

To ensure quality customer service and to ensure that the JetBleu Company Philosophy is followed exactly, please remember that boarding of passengers occurs in the following order:

1. Board all First Class.

2. Board all Pregnant Women.

3. Board all Elderly and others needing assistance.

4. Board all military active duty, veterans.

5. Board all military deserters, conscientious objectors.

6. Board all members of the JetBleu True Blue Bleu Wings Program.

7. Board all members of the In Flight Chocolate Lovers Club.

8. Board all opulent barons.

9. Board all people with a doctors note.

10. Board all folks who are darn late to a meeting.

11. Board all classy broads and dames.

12. Board all saucy harlots and old-timey ne’er-do-wells.

13. Board all dogs riding skateboards.

14. Board all vertically-challenged Irish Fictional Characters.

15. Board all Norwegian strongmen named Magnus or Magnusson or anything like that.

16. Board all members of the Shipowners Caste.

17. Board all Xtreme Sk8ers and Sk13rs.

18. Board all clueless, lame dads.

19. Board all members of the Untouchable Caste.

20. Board all Nazis, scumfucks, and daft punks.

21. Board all Bleu Economy Squared.

22. Board all Bleu Economy Plus.

23. Board all Bleu Economy Minus.

24. Board all Bleu Economy Zero.

25. Board all Bleu Economy Fractional Remainder.

26. Board all stowaways. 

27. Board all Standard Economy.

Thank you for giving our airline the best boarding experience in the industry!


JetBleu Head Office


Airplane pic licensed under Creative Commons.

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Alex Baia is a humor writer and contributor to McSweeney’s and Slackjaw. He lives in Austin, TX.

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