Rules of Paradox Club

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These are the rules of paradox club:

1. You do NOT talk about paradox club!

2. You DO talk about paradox club!

3. Do not follow any rules at paradox club, including this rule!

4. Follow the previous rule, or ignore this rule, but not both!

5. Before 10pm, you must ignore the previous rule and this rule! After 10pm, you must travel back in time to Jan 3, 1950, at 6pm, square the circle, beat a tortoise in a foot race, and kill your own grandfather!

6. Paradoxes will continue as long as they’re unsolved!

7. No shirts, No shoes, No contradictions!

8. If this is your first night at paradox club, you have to shave everyone at paradox club who doesn’t shave themselves!


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Written by

Alex Baia is a humor writer and contributor to McSweeney’s and Slackjaw. He lives in Austin, TX.