A Metric for Hitler Comparisons in Modern Political Discourse

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A Metric for Hitler Comparisons in Modern Political Discourse

_____ has Hitler’s nose if you have the right viewing angle.

_____ does a good Hitler impersonation at parties.

_____ sometimes talks like Hitler,

_____ is a lot like Hitler. Figuratively, I mean.

_____ is Hitler.

_____ is literally Hitler.

_____ is actually, factually, literally Hitler. The real deal. No fake Hitlers here, ma’am. Not a chance. 

_____ is identical to 10 Hitlers.

_____ is worse than an entire solar system where the planets are all full of Hitlers.

_____ is an uncountably infinite, 11-dimensional matrix of Hitlers who have the collectively emergent property of giving rise to an even bigger Hitler, an Uber Hitler, a Hitler to end all Hitlers and yet to continue all Hitlers. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. (Hitler x Infinity)^Hitler. Hitler? Hitler.


Hitler Pic by By Bundesarchiv, Bild 102-10460 / Hoffmann, Heinrich. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 de.

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Written by

Alex Baia is a humor writer and contributor to McSweeney’s and Slackjaw. He lives in Austin, TX.