Steps In The Internet Procrastination Ouroborous

  • Increase / decrease font
  • A +
  • A -

1. Check email.

2. Respond to between eight and thirty-seven emails regarding meetings to be scheduled for the coming week. Grow despondent and give up after five emails.

3. Check Twitter. Check in on some drama, like Nassim Taleb feuding with Steven Pinker, or something like that.

4. Decide that it’s time to do some real work, such as producing 50,000 bicycle seats, moving numbers around on a spreadsheet, or writing an article for the internet humor website Hyoom.

5. Do a Wikipedia search for “Eternal Return,” as part of the research for this article.

6. Follow the Wikipedia link to the article on Stoicism.

7. Follow a link to the article on the Roman Empire.

8. Follow a link to the article on Money Supply.

9. Follow a link to the article on Reserve Bank of New Zealand.

10. Follow a link to the article on New Zealand.

11. Follow a link to the article on Radiocarbon Dating.

12. Follow a link to the article on the Dead Sea.

13. Follow a link to the article on Golf Course.

14. Realize that you are taking part in Internet Procrastination. Resolve to never do that again.

15. Check email. Observe that although you scheduled five meetings forty-five minutes ago, seven new email requests for meetings have come in during that interval.

16. Defenestrate computer.

17. Sleep, or possibly Death.

17 Wake up, or possibly Rebirth.

18. Check email.


Internet procrastination computer pic courtesy of unsplash.

Oh Yes, There's More...

Receive further written amusement in your inbox, once a month.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Written by

Alex Baia is a humor writer and contributor to McSweeney’s and Slackjaw. He lives in Austin, TX.